memoirs

2012

2011-12-28T22:11:00.001+08:00

christmas never disappoints happy holidays to one and allthe fnk's may not have decked out inreindeer or santa oversized sweatersbut close enough"Asian-inspired"

last week of the year oh what it has been2007 was a good year this one... lost ones new birthsnew friends old friendshalf a decade sorta started a closed chapter now half a century Yves Henri Donat Mathieu-Saint-Laurent started his empireexcitada! vamos! to a new daykeep joy hope faithdon't get stuckthere's a season for wildnessand a season for settlednessthis is neitherThis season is about becomingenough with feeling smalland lesser a person si mi amor, oler las rosasOD on turkey soup.

Catching up with chew after impulse buy day!

2011-12-17T01:35:00.001+08:00

today was impromptu day
impromptu buys
Impromptu dinner + visit to fi's

couple of choya's at 5@five
couple of choya's at fi's

however things change @ work
am so thankful for the crazy great friends
cant wait for xmas lunch on Sunday!

awww moment
--> Chewy's blog entry

down time

2011-12-15T20:52:00.001+08:00

this is what happens when you think you know what's going to happen

Crazy week of run and fun

2011-12-11T21:40:00.001+08:00

cannot believe its only been a week!
still very amazed at my run
(yes am still going on about that - just between us here don't worry)
and rushing off to KL immediately after
chilling at hartamas and the malls
eating our hearts out
rushing back for a day at the spa
second time into resorts world!
funny how I've never been but now twice in 4 days
much needed massage

then it's crazy work days
of lunches, unnecessary comments and bittersweet farewells
happy birthday ame!

this year has been very enlightening
and fast
time for that dnd again
hopefully winning something at the lucky draw
even though it's a night's stay at never-thought-I'd-have-to-go-there-again-batam
well ...
anyway i literally sit in a corner and use a separate exit at work
but oh well thanks for the votes and award for get this - miss catwalk?
especially since it comes with a $250 robinsons voucher
guess where all your Christmas presents are coming from this year
and I must say - after party..
this could be the most costly purchase I've had to sign off
tickets to new york will be a close second
but for alcohol??!
funny how my parents played dress up with the award sash
and took pictures with their phones - inherited some of that weirdness I think

okay am dead tired
better start getting those Christmas presents
looking forward to the first Xmas meal Sunday and presents!

thanks sherry for the impromptu holiday
and thus getting the impromptu decision to go crazy run
although the knees are really inflamed
and I can't do anything! no runs no spin

good year to come A?

ha.

Run time!

2011-12-06T11:29:00.001+08:00

HA - not bad for a spur of the moment run
aching in KL though.

21km done!

2011-12-04T11:25:00.001+08:00

well i must say
a job well done fnkll
21km in 2hours and 20minutes
so many times i had planned to stop
but i amazed myself by running the whole way
well done shoes
you stuck by me for the 10
and now together we conquered 21
you didn't think I was taking asics with me did you ..

okay no time to chat - it's holiday time
one hour to take off!

2011-12-03T19:55:00.001+08:00

Firstly...
Well done Mel!
And congrats to the first (and close second)
bride(s) in the sngs bunch!

What a tiring day
Spent almost the entire day at a body building competition
Followed by mess at the office
(well, wasn't counting on a massive reduction in people here in such a short span of time!)
Before rushing off to MBS
This SCB run is a nightmare by the way
People need to have more patience and courtesy
Finally a breather on the free shuttle to marina bay station.
The last mad rush...
Making sure I run my ass off to make it in time for trip departure
I do work better under pressure it seems.

okay alarm set at 4am...

Anyway I really want to know who gave me my first xmas gift this year
I'm not okay with getting gifts and not be able to say thanks!
So please - it was too much (& too early)
and even if you don't expect anything in return
I'd like to say thank you!

2011-12-01T04:52:00.001+08:00

oh bother

black tuesday

2011-11-29T21:59:00.001+08:00

why is this all happening.
at once.
this sucks.
sucks.
black tuesday.

AG.AG.AG.
in my wildest dreams
you take me away.
16 again

New Shoes!

2011-11-28T22:00:00.001+08:00

strange obsession with A.G.
even though I've known you from a LONG time ago

anyway finally brought myself
to buy a new pair of run shoes.
f.I.n.a.l.l.y.
getting the running groove back
next on the list
...
doesn't make sense to get anything new
unless the old has broken
cents and sensibility
well see you in the morning for our first date/run frederick

Food trail : Pamplemousse + Tatsuya

2011-11-24T00:51:00.001+08:00

What a great week it's been so far
From a foooood perspective

I heart cheeeese.. (although too much wine tonight! 7 glasses?)
But hard to say no to kikorangi blue cheese and awesome glasses of red
Too full from a really great French fusion dinner
at Pamplemousse - Dempsey

So much so that two cheese platters were necessary
And wiped it off clean
Not before an awesome salmon starter
Rack of lamb + great duck confit
And creme brûlée

Of course it can't beat the other meal this week
Tatsuya - burst of flavor
Might have started out a bit dreadful
(same counter seats and all)
But then the food started coming
The chatter started flowing
Mmmmmm

Next up hide yanamoto @ mbs
I really need some sleep.

okay well... secret hope that pours like hell
next Sunday at the scb run.

tummy well worth

Location:Pamplemousse + Tatsuya

affordable art

2011-11-20T23:29:00.001+08:00

one of the busiest week yet
considering how Monday ended at 3am
movies, feast at gail's, art fair
made it to bikram after a long break
dinners and drinks
saying bye to my sister, sending mom off
.. and im not even ready to travel out friday

anyway enjoyed the affordable art fair
i sure am a bad photographer - ha
can't stop thinking about how the situation ended
for the little girl who brushed past a display wall
and broke a few sculptures...

anyway affordable art - not so affordable for me yet
at least im getting quite certain about what I like and not like

these aren't them but well thought they were interesting
felt quite bad about snapping pictures but everyone was at it!
it is allowed by the way - no crime here

i love sushi and thing the piece was really cute
Its a cloth/crochet piece and has sew sauce sewn on it
moving on, really enjoyed the luddy's series involving the chilli
not art I would buy but it just makes you smile
I would for my folks if it were more affordable ha
this one is called "chill" haha
and there's another where a lady does the tango with it
smiley smiley!
also the pieces from this Filipino artist
1. superman - kinda brings you back to when you were a kid - i thought id be sleeping beauty and then a care bear and then britney.. ah life...
2. well.. there's an elephant balloon - need I say more? (that brings me to the elephant parade all around - it's just brilliant)

am quite a supporter of going green
way to go recycled art

oh these colorful lips - same guy who made the cone of colorful man metal piece at raffles place - junction where ORQ is
always nice to have some pop of colour eh

so this rabbits and shit thing piece
artist is rather "spontaneou
inspiration: overheard two guys talking about the lunar signs
and about why it is the year of the rabbit
and the sentence - rabbits and shit was made
tada!

well, see you soon new crazy week
smell you later

Tata Fnkly

2011-11-13T23:50:00.001+08:00

there are bound to be moments like this
but well, i do appreciate that they're there

surprise words of wisdom from the man in the suit
a real surprise
it really would not have meant the same
if it had come from anyone else

it might be busy & tiring for the weeks to come
but my heart goes out to my little niece
knowing the pain she's in
completely beyond her control
makes the tiredness feels ridiculously small

ill miss you fnkly !
remember cleanliness is holiness
you dirty messy girl
see you!

2011-11-07T07:30:00.001+08:00

I honestly cannot believe how I pulled two all-nighters..
and ive to be up again real soon...

to kev: thanks for stanley

& she's off again

2011-11-02T21:50:00.001+08:00

exhausted but all packed! and she's off again

2011-11-01T23:54:00.001+08:00

239: my turn - sleepless night

Forever and always

2011-10-04T23:38:00.001+08:00

wedding season in full swing
boy is there work to be done
even I feel the jitters

as designated vows person for some reason
(really don't know how one can write about something/some one that one doesn't know - at all)
i must say im quite lost for words
tonight: drawing thoughts from forever and always

through the good and the bad and the ugly
we'll grow old together
and always remember
whether happy or sad or whatever
we'll still love each other
forever and always

(major tissue demand - damn you parachute)

another event keeping me up tonight
the thought of root canal session 2 tomorrow
friends - never under estimate a toothache

oh this alarm clock gene thing
im pretty sure it runs in my blood
(aka dad + me)
5am bonding

okay time to be in the forever and always zone

shoes!

2011-10-02T21:40:00.001+08:00

after this afternoon
this really feels like a "let's talk" night
but instead of blabbering
and getting all sappy w i feel this and i feel that
(aaron - hell's kitchen asian cowboy sure makes it look pathetic)
there's work to be done
yes, sadly, work - work.
oh well that might not be a bad thing
what can one's feelings do
i was after all living my dream
but it got confused/lost somewhere

sulk - fnkly is going to be based in kl
oh well, weekend getaways for me

anyway
because i do leave my shoes at work..
a big big heart has kindly contributed to my room/home collection
tonight was polishing night
:D
crap i do not take good pictures
they do not do them justice.
and only because
im known to wear a pair until they get so worn out
actually that ain't so bad
although, having more to alternate and choose from
ain't so bad either
:D

Sweetness in a bottle

2011-10-02T09:31:00.001+08:00

this.. sweeeeetness in a bottle.
looking forward to our wholesome Friday

Goal!

2011-10-01T21:21:00.001+08:00

GOAL (times two)

(dad remains cool.. then chuckles)
(yes. chuckles)

Soccer night with the folks

2011-10-01T20:23:00.001+08:00

hate to admit this
but Franklin is amazing
unfortunately im not making it to the big apple
but off to visit ty!
i hope the movie list is updated
as of today
im definitely more excited about krisworld
hmmm creek creek

blabbing here because somehow
this "only child" soccer date with my folks
ain't so peaceful
they (yes even the mom)
(actually, especially the mom)
sure get really emotional don't they?
poor tele - all that yelling
but mini burgers and the works for our date
helps keep me in my spot.
and Franklin of course.

okay can't wait for date to be over for bed
planning weddingS ain't no walk in the park
and of course - agenda tomorrow
shoes shoes shoes :)

oh and yes

Recipe: Parmigiana Di Melanzane

wish me luck in the kitchen
only if there was more of this sugar goodness
patissier - passionfruit meringue

Tooth woes

2011-09-27T07:36:00.001+08:00

Pain has a whole new meaning for me

oh bother.

2011-09-22T02:41:00.001+08:00

I really lost the plot too haven't I

anyway am thankful we had to can the original plan
finally kazu-ed
loved it all (did we note the name of the sake?)
peach sure tasted great
but doubt nazumi china contributed to that

appreciate the good people in your life
who wants nothing but for you to be happy
and care not what you have

oh boy : 2am night on a week day
good luck to us tomorrow

crackle pop crackle awesome

2011-09-19T21:41:00.001+08:00

O.O !

mmmm pop crackle pop mmmm awesomeness

thanks - now sugar high how to catch up on sleep as planned?

Soul

2011-09-17T01:48:00.001+08:00

sherzerh dedicates a song
our very own cheer leader

we survived pals
getting better at it every time !

Off to Rome

2011-09-15T23:42:00.001+08:00

and there there

off you go to roma + firenze
not great kris world selection unfortch mom + pop

fishes stay alive!

Ion talk

2011-09-15T01:47:00.001+08:00

there you go mister samsonite all loaded up.
you lucky chap
say hi to firenze and come back with good things for fi

after camping out under rain and stars
and interesting 3rd floor ion adventure in darkness
at ease and right
the last train is a crowded train
tiptoed in heels past a sleeping cat
1am cereal stock up at abc
fed addiction to "get out of here" "piss off"
not wanting the wanted da.. youtubed
night

r&r

2011-09-13T22:24:00.001+08:00

Sing Sing Sing

2011-09-10T03:01:00.001+08:00

great but
can't beat us then

Swan lake

2011-09-07T23:23:00.001+08:00

I just wanted to commit tonight's dinner conversation to memory
It's been a really long time since I laughed till I cried
and laughed a little bit more

To be continued..

-

Jehovah Jireh

2011-09-05T23:49:00.001+08:00

welcomed a lovely couple
in town for a sponsored conference
took them out for a local meal of bak kut teh
these Monday surgeries have killed my ability to eat/snack/talk much
fixes after fixes - I need a break

so they run a home/care centre for children in Cambodia
and will be part of a sweet cause
anyway remembering a trip to Cambodia 4 years ago
it was really quite a grim place
well not sure if four years brings much change
I hope we bring a good load in time for Christmas for them
as charia shares
they try to keep them healthy with some education
but the reality is where it leads them later in life
well ...

maybe that's why I'm so pro-government
hmm shouldn't be airing my political views so openly
you'll never know these days!

practice baby

2011-09-04T21:38:00.001+08:00

twas' a busy weekend

with three ladies in baby making mode
it was a lot of unnecessary or necessary
graphic information for the entire afternoon

no comment

and thought of you kcg
mommy shops sold "practice babies"
guess it really doesn't come naturally to all

oh well but what's more important..
see you in a few months KAYLA ONG

and see you very soon next weekend!!
no pressure
take it sloooow
i really don't mind.

oh - this iPL thing is frigging amazing.
and I really need to get round to setting up
the new desktop in my room
it is evidence of my procrastinating ways
still hanging out with me, albeit less
(i like to think)

oh bloody hell
twas' a busy weekend
last and only hour
for quiet time with book of the moment

somewhere in the world tonight
there's no crying
somewhere in the world tonight
someone's holding their first child

what an eccentric man
but song of the moment!
night!

Somewhere in the world tonight

2011-09-02T23:48:00.001+08:00

I believe there is a place
Where rich & poor can walk side by side

Somewhere in the world tonight
Everything’s alright

So take me there

I can't decide if it's hopeful or otherwise
Joy may not be a constant but hope
' never lose hope

Somewhere in the world tonight
Everything’s alright
It's alright

-

<3 MCK

2011-08-20T10:40:00.001+08:00

Feeling extremely unwell from a dinner of ox tongue - had 7 pieces too many. hunted down mck this morning to flush that taste out. oh how I love mck mck mck mck. yes I go through these moments. it was cheese two weeks ago. ha.

mckmckmck!

anyway - upsetting news this morning from "fmb circle of trust" - well you can't always think people are for you if you don't treat them well. at some point they will walk away. nvm.

Z.E.N.

not that it's funny but i think we can find some humor in dear F.A.Y. Speaking in codes, but it is goddamn hilarious in a somewhat inappropriate yet how appropriate it is way. ha. what a gem.

okay more mck please.

separation anxiety from fear

2011-08-18T23:20:00.001+08:00

This blogpress thing is really quite addictive.
Perhaps because unlike twitter
I get more than 160 characters

Dinner with eza..
What a free spirit! positivity!
well as naggy as I believe I was
which was - EXTREMELY
about all the things that can go wrong
and how you'll never know how things and people can change
I sure hope Canada works out
warned about the bloody cold
and showed some old pictures
all eza managed was
"well.. You look 'different'"
Hahaha sure - I wasn't the most put together
didn't care - it was cold. COLD!
but guess you can prepare rather easily
to deal with cold. how about fear?

so a dear friend has been hospitalized this week
her thoughts from this experience has been
disturbing? realistic? depressing?
will think first.

Today's point by Gary Hayden
Quoted mark twain and his curiosity on how
physical courage is everywhere but moral courage
so rare.
hmm.

whatever does tennis elbow mean?
my whole bloody arms are aching from it

- Posted using BlogPress from my very own paddie

2011-08-18T09:54:00.001+08:00

Hahaha I'd better be the favorite even if I'm the only one!

woke up feeling great knowing ive made some one's day! nicely timed with a lunch invite from sherzerh. choose faith.

- Posted using BlogPress from my very own paddie

Feeling Brown

2011-08-17T21:45:00.001+08:00

I love my collection of rucksacks aka barang barang bags

But on the train with two in tow..
I really miss my "dump it all in" raoul bag
Why did I think I could leave it behind
When it's been to so many places with me
A replacement is nowhere to be found

Have you guessed what gift I bring fnkly?
Surprise! Hope you like it! Ha.

- Posted using BlogPress from my very own paddie

Mmmmm moon cakes

2011-08-16T22:32:00.001+08:00

Well.. day went by pretty good..
Except for lunch
For a top rated place
Your service kinda sucks!

Not a great one for tza sadly
Feel better soon friend.

then kcg reminds me that tomorrow is only Wednesday

argh

at least we learnt how to make moon cakes!

will they be the sweet for a sweet cause this time round..
well.. we will discuss.
let the people at home do the tasting first
and survive the next day

ive finally thought of a name for my paddie.
(auto correct for paddie is pad die which is too sad)

It is a he. By the way.
Will keep it in my head for a while
Make sure it sticks
Decision making is not my strong suit
Work in progress.
Example - getting this app.

This gadget has brought the creation of Natalie Massenet and fi much closer. Not forgetting my private professional house call image consultant who has also contributed. I must say, it would have been a rather pointless session if not for me embracing the idea of "being comfortable" in your own skin! Hours of starring at myself in the mirror going through colours against my skin tone and all sorts of body proportions ha, well conclusion was that I know myself very well. Can't wait for my report!

- Posted using BlogPress from my very own paddie

2011-08-15T22:37:00.001+08:00

Found this really interesting. Our issues cant compare. Looking forward to meet with Charia.

Singapore Miracle Dimming as Income Gap Widens Squeeze by Rich

Economic miracles sometimes need course corrections, even in Singapore, which last year was home to more U.S. dollar-millionaire households per capita than any other country, according to Boston Consulting Group Inc.

From 1959 onward, under the leadership of Lee Kuan Yew and his successors, Singapore transformed itself into a rich hub for a range of industries, from financial services to transportation, to pharmaceuticals, Bloomberg Markets magazine reports in the September issue. From 1960 to 2010, the city- state’s GDP increased 41-fold, to 285 billion Singapore dollars, as it became the world’s second-busiest container port and fourth-largest financial center. Three of the world’s six strongest banks are based in Singapore, according to a June Bloomberg Markets ranking.
As non-Singaporean workers and companies have poured into what the World Bank says is the easiest place on earth to do business, some Singaporeans have been left behind. The income gap between richest and poorest has widened in recent years, according to the government statistics department.

Non-Singaporeans now make up more than one-third of the island’s population of 5 million. The influx of wealthy expatriates has inflated demand for housing, pushing up prices, while the opposition Workers’ Party argues that large numbers of immigrant laborers have depressed local wages.

‘Learn and Lead’
Against this backdrop, the voters in May’s general election handed the ruling People’s Action Party (PAP) its smallest margin of victory since 1965. While the PAP still collected 60 percent of the votes cast, the decline from previous showings was bracing enough for Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong, Lee Kuan Yew’s eldest son, to promise a period of soul-searching.

The government pledged to pay attention to the electorate. “My mantra is to listen, learn and lead,” says Lui Tuck Yew, the new transport minister.
The Workers’ Party, which won six seats in Parliament (up from one in the 2006 election), called it a watershed election. Some Singaporeans went further. Catherine Lim, a best-selling novelist and political commentator, said the electoral landscape had turned toxic for the PAP by the time voters went to the polls. “This election shocked them like no other,” Lim, 69, says. “I call it a renaissance -- a Singapore revolution of sorts, like the Arab Spring.”

In reality, Singapore bears little resemblance to the fragile autocracies of countries in North Africa and the Middle East, politically or economically.

Hybrid Democracy
Lee Kuan Yew co-founded the PAP and was the world’s longest-serving prime minister when he stepped down in 1990 after 31 years in office. He presided over a hybrid democracy: Though political opposition was minimal, there were regular elections. Remaining in the cabinet first as senior minister and then as minister mentor, Lee was succeeded by Goh Chok Tong and, in 2004, by Lee Hsien Loong.

Over the decades, the city-state achieved its success by encouraging foreign investment, avoiding corruption and emphasizing discipline, efficiency and interracial harmony. In order to reduce Singapore’s reliance on exports, successive governments encouraged the growth of new industries through business-friendly taxes and a minimum of red tape.

The Singaporean economy has grown mostly without interruption since 1986. The exceptions are a 2.1 percent contraction during the Asian financial crisis in 1998, a 1.2 percent decline in 2001 after the dot-com bubble burst and a 0.8 percent decrease during the 2009 global financial crisis.

Casino Gambling
While Macau, China, has been the world’s biggest player in casino gambling since it overtook Las Vegas in 2006, Singapore will move into second place by the end of this year, forecasts Frank Fahrenkopf, president of the American Gaming Association.

In 2005, as part of an effort to further diversify the economy, the government lifted a four-decade ban on casinos. Singapore moved with lightning speed: The island’s two huge gaming resorts opened last year. The casinos say they employ about 21,600 people and had attracted almost 35 million people as of recently.
Immigration has driven Singapore’s development. Smaller than New York City in area, the city-state has few natural resources. It has one of the lowest fertility rates in the world: 1.2 births per woman compared with 2.1 in the U.S., according to 2009 World Bank data.

‘An Invasion’
To fuel its ambitions, Singapore attracted globe-trotting professionals and entrepreneurs from places such as North America, Europe and India, as well as lower-paid laborers from countries including China, the Philippines and Bangladesh.
“It feels like an invasion because one day you wake up and there seem to be foreigners wherever you go,” says Dixon Chew, 34, a Singaporean maintenance engineer. “It used to be that most of the foreign workers were maids or laborers, but now they’re driving the buses, they’re taking your orders at McDonald’s, they’re the cashiers at the supermarkets.”

Unaccustomed as it is to opposition, the ruling PAP may have underestimated popular discontent, says Vishnu Varathan, an economist at Capital Economics (Asia) Pte in Singapore. “The government has missed some clues, and there are very legitimate reasons why people are unhappy,” he says. “The onus is on the PAP to show that it is not old wine in a new bottle or it will continue to lose votes.”
After the election, Lee Hsien Loong moved quickly to show he had heard the voters. He reshuffled his cabinet. The government announced plans to release more land for homebuilding.

Coded Language
It also said it would review ministerial salaries that are among the highest in the world: Prime Minister Lee made $2.1 million in 2009, while cabinet ministers earned about $1.1 million each.

Lee Kuan Yew, who turns 88 on Sept. 16, left the cabinet, as did Goh, who had assumed the role of senior minister in 2004. In somewhat coded language, the elder Lee and Goh said in a statement a week after the election that it was time for change in Singapore.

“We have made our contributions to the development of Singapore,” they said. “The time has come for a younger generation to carry Singapore forward in a more difficult and complex situation.”

The government began to address immigration before the election. “We have moved quite fast over the last five years,” Lee Hsien Loong said last year. “But now, I think we should consolidate, slow down the pace. We cannot continue going like this and increasing our population 100,000, 150,000 a year indefinitely, and we should give Singaporeans time to adjust and our society time to settle and integrate better the newer arrivals.”

Reaching Out
In that vein, the government granted 48,023 permanent- residence and citizenship applications in 2010, down about 40 percent from 79,388 the year before.
Ministers are increasingly reaching out to the public. Some are connecting in time-worn ways. In June, Minister for Environment and Water Resources Vivian Balakrishnan waded through a shopping mall to see firsthand the effects of a flash flood.

Others are flocking to the Internet. “I will consult widely, with experts, customers, industry players and Singaporeans,” Minister for National Development Khaw Boon Wan said on his Housing Matters blog.

Adapting to shifting currents is something that Singapore has excelled at since Lee Kuan Yew came to power a half century ago. His exit marks more than a symbolic threshold for Singapore and for his son. The government recognizes that popular demands at home can’t go unmet.

‘Significant Concerns’
“Singapore has entered a new phase in its political development,” Lee Hsien Loong said at the swearing-in ceremony of his new cabinet in May. “It is clear that Singaporeans do have significant concerns over both the substance of government policies and the way they are implemented. In implementation, our approach must be more flexible, thoughtful and compassionate.”

Lee’s challenge will be to keep making the city-state his father built attractive to business and foreign workers while making sure born-and-bred Singaporeans continue to get a piece of the economic miracle.

- Posted using BlogPress from my very own paddie

this is a really really bad monday

2011-08-15T11:49:00.001+08:00

I can only laugh at my misfortune - so ridiculous it's hilarious.

Ha.

- Posted using BlogPress from my very own paddie

2011-08-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

Anyway PC woes - frustrated and im yelling
It's gonna be a long night with the tools!
Screw screw screw

Oh - dammit
It just needs the second plug.
Thanks google

Writing anything here now seems unfair

2011-07-30T23:44:00.000+08:00

i think ive done pretty good

but i just have to let go for now - feels intensely wrong not to

i am still thankful for (my) life

have faith - right?

california wishing

__________________________________________________________

If you never had a trial, how could you call yourself an overcomer?
If you never made a mistake, How would you know that I am a forgiver?
If you knew all, How would you know that I will answer your questions?
If you never were in trouble, How would you know that I will come to your rescue
If you never were broken, Then how would you know that I can make you whole?
If you never had a problem,How would you know that I can solve them?
If I gave you all things, How would you appreciate them?
If I never corrected you, How would you know that I love you?
If you had all power, Then how would you learn to depend on me?
If your life was perfect, Then what would you need me for?

2011-07-23T14:50:00.000+08:00

23 hours spent on this one post

well.. you deserve it california

my adventure to the west coast

2011-06-03T00:13:00.000+08:00

"Strength is a matter of a made up mind." - John Beecher

I agree, John

and strength isn't action
and strength shouldn't be mere tolerance

my mind must be quite made up now
until i change it

2011-05-25T23:12:00.001+08:00

all that yelling - i am that 12 year old in that room.

2011-05-07T18:53:00.000+08:00

what a busy family day

just out from mass to rosary - "i wanna make love right na na na" is not a song an entire family should be singing together

quote of the day:
fnkwh @ the polling booth asking:" how to vote? tell her ah?"

happy mom's day / eat eat eat

2011-04-11T22:18:00.000+08:00

indeed - it is taking me forever to fall asleep

Se você precisa esconder o que faz, não devia estar fazendo...

but it really isnt one anymore
oh get over yourself!

2011-03-12T00:26:00.002+08:00

just needed an outlet

all the work over the weeks and it doesn't work
I'm really really quite duh - should have checked at the start.
argh stupid stupid stupid

not the best day
sleep.

2011-02-10T22:38:00.002+08:00

if only i could say i truly admire those who never procrastinate

because i never really attempted to not procrastinate
but rather, i tend to sulk at my 'misfortunes'

but what is true

is that - doing things promptly is a good habit i never acquired

well i would like to think that i like to know how my time is being spent

and thus - punctuality is quite a big thing for me

i like to know precisely when, im going to be where and doing what

if it meant staying in all day doing nothing - that is still knowing

what i really fail at is - getting round to doing it
it being thethinking.theplanning.theknowing.

procrastination is the easier way out (immediate reaction that is)

but it is by no means fun.

it cultivates guilt and over time - constant unhappiness

i indulge in it anyway.

and more likely than not, will think of it and be tempted to jump in

but hopefully the letter 'd' goes behind indulge more often than not ahead.

i read once before about akrasia

which is to mean - acting against one's better judgement

guess the starting point for me might be a step before

to define

what better judgement would mean

now - back to reads

2011-01-25T04:18:00.000+08:00

youve gotta move forward
but youve gotta figure out where that is

this has been quite a night.
and (this) - how nonsensical
because i know exactly what im trying to do

somewhere only ill / go
oh and finally it comes off

2011-01-25T02:15:00.000+08:00

dependence / no longer effective

something needs to / give
snip nip

2011-01-24T02:38:00.000+08:00

every now and then

not again .. now

:'

happy big 6o dad !

2011-01-22T18:17:00.000+08:00

happy birthday daddy !!

many many more to come

2011-01-20T02:53:00.000+08:00

oh my - what a week
and we're only halfway there

so much (in silence)

2011-01-11T00:39:00.000+08:00

oh dear my

where'd all my people lost to ?

guess where ill be at 11:01:11 on 11/01/11
aha ! this thing with numbers
and (missing) sleep

snap !
and another pops (out)

2011-01-09T22:00:00.001+08:00

today has not been a good day.

physically - it has not been good
does not help that it is a sunday
and monday blues sets off a day early, imposing its moroseness

but here - made smiles and day dreams
daddy's love in pancakes

carefreeness - without worry - without responsibility

not a possession gratis - all that while

with each - no questions

alas - ruefulness now aplenty

bad at talking
eventomyself.

And though the odds say improbable
What do they know

2011-01-02T02:46:00.001+08:00

must sleep. unfortunately.

all these superstitions /

hallucinations /

disarray /

delete / delete / delete / delete / delete

2010-12-31T03:01:00.000+08:00

2010-12-30T20:32:00.001+08:00

2010-07-17T11:57:00.001+08:00

what an extreme morning ..

emotions running high and dry ..

but how times have changed

how i have changed

it has been work work workworkworkworkwork and work

no surprises there

surprises came in form of emails and texts from well, unlikely peeps to just say hi cos we hv not caught up for a while now / hmmmmm..

but ohwell. work motivation in question

to do one hell of a job (which i am actually quite certain wld still not be gd enough)

and if it does seeem to do nothing for you

then at least i have buying power to treat myself to little things

to hmmm work even MORE hahaha

stressing so bad my whole body is quite screwed up

internals and externals

good is not good enough

silent wreckage

2010-05-30T22:04:00.001+08:00

truth be told
i wrote this entry many times over
deleting it each time
guess i can keep everything to myself today

2010-05-25T22:09:00.000+08:00

feels gooooood to be back
day 02. 10pm. at desk.
not grouchy ; )

and mind you
no twitter no gmail no nothing here

thank goodness blogger still works
secret link ; )

2010-05-23T22:11:00.001+08:00

im dreaming tonight of a place i love

even more than i usually do ...

there, my worries depart

and all i do is bask in sheer joy

thankful for your existence

help us to be wise

in times when we dont know

2010-05-21T00:33:00.000+08:00

an outlet some where some how, i need and this is.

because my support group is almost all just me

i listen to my own fears

i share my victories

i wipe my tears away

i take myself in

will this last ?

well there are many other variations/options

thai could be used as themes for my battle with detachment

pride

sensibility

self-pity

maturity

its just a necessary pause and only a momentary one;

go with emotional solitude - the no one really needs to know, will do for now. so basically stone. whenever my mind's dangerously available for wandering

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

but hell, am i jealous of the world that has you, waiting for you to uncover surprises

2010-05-17T21:14:00.000+08:00

random musings from the past .. .

fnkly: do you like carey, francis?

francis: yes

fnkll: do you like me francis?

francis: yes

fnkly: do you like me francis?

francis: nope
______________________

mommy dyes her hair.

fnkll: why is mommy taking so long in the toilet?!

fnkly: she is "dying"

outburst. laugh out loud moment.

______________________

i still hv this thing for the superhero with no super powers ; batman ; )

______________________

guess we shld hv known then that

we were intellectually a misfit ; )

- - - - -

Your IQ score is 159.

A person whose IQ score falls in the range of 144-160 is considered to be "gifted".

Your IQ score is based on your scores across 12 distinct aspects of intelligence. Like everyone, you have a unique intellectual makeup, with strengths and weaknesses that affect your methods of understanding, communication and relating to others. According to your results, your greatest intellectual strength is Pattern Recognition.

- - -

Your IQ score is 134.

A person whose IQ score falls in the range of 129-143 is considered to be "highly intelligent".

2010-05-17T20:29:00.000+08:00

words of advice

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

Wear sunscreen.

2010-05-16T21:04:00.001+08:00

restraint

i understand. and i accept.
but restraint is still primal

practice makes perfect

right?

love is just a word until some one comes along and gives it meaning

2010-05-13T20:14:00.000+08:00

Fear of failure leads to failure

______________________

what a tough day

and the whole saga's not over

while i do appreciate and take this as a compliment

it just isnt my passion

please dont make things so difficult for me !

2010-05-11T21:55:00.001+08:00

a person in love can act as a mad person but never as an idiot
and intense life is not complete without a touch of madness

i am beyond thankful that i had madness

but food helps for now.

2010-05-10T22:47:00.000+08:00

be a source of joy

let the critics complain about the world

2010-05-09T21:35:00.000+08:00

sometimes it wrong to walk away
though you think its over
knowing there's so much more to say

but i walked away
and it hits you that the moment's gone
all your dreams are thrown upside down
and fantasies of forever

im still holding on somehow

that walk away,
guess it has to end somewhere for me
cos i would stay

and walking away
i wish there was a better way to say i'm sorry
and maybe ...

2010-05-09T21:19:00.000+08:00

impossible is just an opinion
yours

it is the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting
and perhaps for now i must pursue that dream
by being away
the RESET button anytime can be pushed any time and
while its true that life doesnt always give u second chances
or third or fourth
it doesnt mean u should stop believing
guess its a case of becoming who you are and stop being who you were
problem - doubting who you can be

i stuck through something, thinking that it was the right thing to do
for that sense of commitment and stability
even though it did not make me happy
there were several paths to take but

it was not the right decision and i was wrong

and i get that
and i get why turned out this way

i guess talk.
stupid questions.
ridiculous suggestions.
sharing fears.
we dont get that much.

Don't beg, don't ask. Just thank God in silence for all the blessings in your life.

"The biggest lie on the planet: 'When I get what I want I will be happy'."

2010-05-08T22:15:00.000+08:00

make it stop

2010-05-08T18:59:00.000+08:00

Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do.

i have to guard yours
before i can guard mine
if i had it my way
i will keep myself by your side
but you've guarded mine long enough

2010-05-07T12:02:00.002+08:00

there must be somewhere that i am allowed to _____________

2010-05-06T16:53:00.000+08:00

it could be the woman thing
it could be affairs of the heart
it could be work and how bad the markets are this entire week
it could be losing people in the world to bad things
it could be so many things

but i have no interest to figure out what exactly is causing this

and there is no one

2010-04-28T15:24:00.000+08:00

its not that ive nothing better to do at work

but there is just no where else and i need to scream

2010-04-20T20:03:00.000+08:00

i'm tired

running a temperature

bad idea running all about the country today

a long busy week ahead

and worst of all

its all just with me

i'm tired
i know what i want
and there's no way i'm gonna get it

2010-03-25T17:05:00.000+08:00

"If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito."
--African proverb

seriously feeling like CRAP now.
have a full mind to cancel dinner tonight
H please dont kill me
by the way as a gd friend
i shld not be traded like produce!

-----

i almost deleted you
right now
all the things you said are all i know

2010-03-20T04:40:00.000+08:00

the problem with sleeping early
is being (wide) awake at 4 in the morning
all's quiet and you have no idea what to do

come to think of it
i slept at 11.
that doesnt quite cut it as sleeping early
but oh well
my unsettling mind
i want something i dont actually believe i want

2010-03-16T20:34:00.001+08:00

Smile though your heart is aching,

Smile even though it's breaking,

When there are clouds in the sky- You'll get by,

If you smile through your pain and sorrow,

Smile and maybe tomorrow

You'll see the sun come shining through- For you.

Light up your face with gladness,

Hide ev'ry trace of sadness,

Although a tear may be ever so near,

That's the time you must keep on trying,

Smile- What's the use of crying,

You'll find that life is still worthwhile,

If you just smile.

2010-03-10T16:02:00.000+08:00

my mind wanders constantly
even when i try to lose myself and find a quiet place
(because it is almost impossible to be at one whether at home at work anywhere)
i cant just stare blankly into no where to just be quiet
on the verge of getting aid for just one full night of sleep

but ive learnt a few new things

missing is no longer bittersweet
there is no eagerness to share random musings
(no one else you really want to dish out at and even this..
this post.. took all of 3 hours to get through)
of course theres sadness but its well contained deep within
i think its filling up
but letting it out feels like im taking a step back away

well much thanks to my best gift - my running shoes
think all the miles clocked in on my swoosh
instilled a sense of endurance and reason
though ive had that the ever ocassional self-indulgent bouts
it has gone missing this time round
dont run away and indulge
run and look for answers

for now...
to the family ive quite taken for granted - sorry and thanks

2010-03-08T20:17:00.000+08:00

i've a condition in which

my tongue works faster than the mind

love is strengthened by working
through conflicts together

Harsh words break no bones
but they do break the hearts

To get out of a difficulty,
one usually must go through it

We take for granted the things
that we should be giving thanks for

Do what you can, for who you can,
with what you have, and where you are

but isnt the truth that can and have is not always enough

2010-03-04T11:46:00.000+08:00

thanks girls! to friendship that needs more than
my fingers and toes to count the years!! <3

(special thanks to mel for trying sashimi and obviously not loving it)

2010-03-03T09:35:00.002+08:00

“You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.”

- Happy Bday Dr. Seuss

2010-02-28T14:23:00.000+08:00

remember all the things we wanted

never wanted for anyone to get burnt out

looking at you made everything harder

your walls are now so high up

they look impossible to scale

now i need to figure out

being able to hold up

denial or ;

love you enough to know that ~~for now~~

some one needs to be gone

~~you make it hard for me to breathe~~

~~and yet thinking of you makes everything ok~~

2010-02-21T18:18:00.000+08:00

hmm ..

i am usually very capable of flooding

but i havent this time.

mostly because things

bumps ..

just keep getting thrown in my way

and also because

i havent a place to release

especially the noise at home

all the yelling

always the yelling

i cannot

i cannot be here

i cannot

2010-02-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

love is not something you feel

it's something you do.

and what have i not done.. ; much.

call it a coincidence or God's love

for the start of lent to begin today

and for lunch time mass with a friend

who's always been in the wings

for as long as i can remember..

the insane sense of peace and calm

to reflect and to appreciate

all the great things that have come my way

from ashes to ashes..

how i've tried to play "god"

creating a world where all i know

is what i want

and thus decide

what's right and what's not

extending my demands on others

what do we do...

the look inside continues

2010-02-13T22:23:00.000+08:00

endurance..

patience..

understanding..

nothing is possible

when the spirit's been broken

flood gates parted

2010-02-04T12:30:00.002+08:00

sometimes, there is just too much going on in my head to keep it up

2010-01-30T22:27:00.002+08:00

in a state of confusion

and rejection.

2010-01-24T21:10:00.000+08:00

ive never yelled

never demanded for anything

and while i know sacarsm and poor attitude

tends to be my initial reaction to things that dont sit well with me

i feel this bit helpless

actual problem or make believe

i had issues dealing with things

and i am able to pluck anything from anywhere

and turn it into the most negative scenario possible

and keeping it inside altogether has led me to eventually shatter

there has been so many times

through no reason at all

that i sense that shatter point

but however tempting

i have held back because its not worth it

to even for a moment

bask in that form of negativity

and lose things that are truly important

right now

i dont even really understand what i'm saying

because i'm scared of saying the wrong things

or not being able to justify my thoughts

right now

i really feel incredibly .. "blank"

2009-12-31T16:43:00.000+08:00

and it should end with a laugh

2009-12-31T16:41:00.000+08:00

this year seems to just fly by didn't it?
pretty sure it's not a random thought
because on some 31st of december.. it feels like, yes get here already!

for all the good times and the bad times
as long as u're breathing u're not failing
so keep looking up

2010 ; all the best everyone!

(cant wait for all the damn series to continue its run again)

2009-12-27T13:03:00.000+08:00

christmas just doesnt feel the same this year.

and it isnt because of what you might think it is

2009-12-11T17:07:00.000+08:00

what is love? as far as i can see, it is passion, admiration and respect.

if you have two, you have enough.
if you have all three, you don't have to die to go to heaven.

- william wharton

In any case, it's not "twelve days to christmas" yet but i'm all ready to start my very own count down
as dada says
it's one hell of a busy year to come : )

there's xmas to kick it all off then
dada's back then new year's
then uncle vic's big birthday (fooood)
gathering for joyce jiejie's visit back (more fooood)
dad's bade
little sisterly getaway
vdae cum chinese new year
dada's bade
my bdae
fab's bade.. phew..

oh well.
now it's just a painful weekly wait to the next episode of the big biang theory

2009-12-06T21:25:00.001+08:00

i have this bad feeling

2009-12-05T20:59:00.000+08:00

i just dont think i know who this person is anymore

2009-12-03T16:53:00.000+08:00

wondering what it means that
i cant wait to head home
(it was been an incredibly disappointing day at work)

and yet it's to an empty home(s)
where there's no one to tell

fear or sense of dying, "going crazy", or experiencing a heart attack or "flashing vision", feeling faint or nauseated, heavy breathing, or losing control of themselves. These feelings may provoke a strong urge to escape or flee the place where the attack began. - that was what kept me up all night.

with all the "healthy and active lifestyle"
think i'm still gonna find myself highly prone to panic attacks
and a mounting sense of being dis·il·lu·sion-ed

there is too much credit given to me
for my abilities to do wrong
and so there is huge
HUGE intense pressure to avoid going down that path
and yet at the same time
the pressure is literally driving me crazy

ok i think it's just the lack of sleep talking.
i'm not that depressing
am i?

2009-11-23T20:55:00.002+08:00

i watched a movie

a movie you would watch if you're looking to cry your eyes out

i cried my heart out

the movie was a useful alibi

i think

i think.

that it doesnt matter how tough things get.

you can keep going if you know what's inside

and so when you finally see through ones eyes

the painful truth that the heart has to tell

it really

~~confuses/bothers/troubles/vexes~~ you

because

what do you do now.

i wonder if i should even allow myself to think

that i have a decision to make

because i dont think

i have done enough to lay claim on that this time round.

well i have not given enough credit to life

i know that because

as minimal as they come by

i still get them

that's why i havent a clue what fighting for my life means

but i sure know that

there's something here worth figuring that out

just that it might be a little too late